iM sTiLL mIssInG YoU UnTiL NoW & PaIn Is sTiLL ThErE.... & wHy iT EnD Up THiS WaY?

I tried to convince myself I didn't want you anymore.
I just can't let go.
I don't want to see you move on, but I'm not doing much about it either.
You're two different people and I wish it would stop, because I'm living to die and dieing to live, but it doesn't mean a thing to me, until I have you. I felt so good when I was with you, you made me feel like the world; to hear i was your favorite and the best you ever had. You were not ashamed and would hold my hand, kiss me & even be with me anywhere despite of the complicated situation that we had.. We'd talk on the phone for hours,we txt every minute of the day and there is no day will pass that we did not have a communication even though were miles away from each other and every time we kissed it felt like i was dreaming. Love felt like heaven when I was with you; and now that you're gone I'm hurting like hell. I miss you so much, and I wish you were here, but I don't know what is the reason behind why it came to this situation in which we both now that we never had an argument or discussion no mistakes had been made and still i lost you, but i don't if it is forever -- but you didn't loose my love because i loved you ever since the day i met you and ill never forget you, because to me, you are the WORLD
 

I don't know if i miss YOU or if i just miss the feeling of knowing someone loves me as much possibly more than i love them and give me the love that i was longing for and accept me for who really am and having the feeling when the one i love defends me and is always there for me when i need them... i don't think you realize how much i miss being able to just go to you, being able to tell you anything and you actually understand or trying to as much as you can.. i miss that little feeling i got when i was with you!!

I miss u when the sun goes down, I miss u txting me when I'm trying to sleep, I miss u going to my work because you always send me a message where I am to make sure that I'm safe , I miss u touching me an making me smile and make me laugh,I miss you when your cheering me up and make my day complete, I miss u so much it hurts an everyday my heart breaks all over again cause I know u are with her! Yet I still miss you...

Before I met you I had no clue what love was all I cared about was myself. Then we found each other and I truly found out what love was. Food lost its flavor, the whole world became hazy to where I don't even remember much of what happened. The only thing that mattered was you and being able to put my arms around you. We didn't even need to say anything, just stand next to each other and share our body heat. My true weakness was in your smile. Your face made me realize that everything was OK in the world and I honestly thought that this had to be heaven. Then when she left me it was honestly the worst feeling in the world. I felt like dieing, no, worse, I felt like dieing 1000000 times or ripping my heart out of my chest hoping and praying that if I did that I wouldn't hurt so much. Loosing a lover is the worst feeling in the world and it does the worst things to you. Ever since then I have never really expressed my self fully in fear that I would feel that kind of pain again.

Now I'm still trying to cope up with the thing to have my normal life again and try to put your memories in the past in which I know that I is hard for me & every now & then I'm missing you and have the same pain in my heart.I have to sacrifice my own happiness just to see you have and have a happy life.One day everything will be OK again....

LeT Go,,,,,ShOuLD I??????

 is that when you let go a tree, the whole forest will come after you...

you have not live till you have loved

Yes that's what a dear friend told me when I was heart broken. Dumped by a man whom I thought was everything and completed my life. I was naive, blind by the love I felt for him and probably too in love. Those Disney fairy tale cartoons should never be watched without parental guidance. Happily ever after, is there such a thing in our generation? Granted that mistress isn't a normal occurrence in the world.

Lost, emptiness, confusion, denial, hatred, anger etc.....

I read that in your life, you will get dumped once; you'll dump someone once too. I think I achieved that quota already. I didn't actually dump anyone and I guess I was lucky that asshole who dumped me wasn't someone important after all.

At first it hurts so much, I couldn't sleep, eat or think. It hurts so much; I would bite on my own lip and bang my hands on the wall crying. It even came to the point that I want to end up my life for three times drinking lots of medicine, Clorox, and I remember the last one I took 60 capsules of sleeping pills. Friends, office mates were worried, family were by my side even though they are miles away from me. I read one article of Cleo Malaysia that says the duration that your heart will heal from the wounds would be the formula below:

Duration of being together / 2 = the duration to heal

I still remember that I lost so much weight and even thought of taking the easy way out. A friend met me up and told me that I should let this tree go so that a whole forest will come after me. That quote stuck onto me like quicksilver until one day I woke up and the pain wasn't is getting less and hoping one day it will be gone. I don’t have any plans at this time to replace you in my heart I will let the wounds completely healed because 16 yrs is not a joke. Later while time is passing by I just let it flow and if there's really a person who meant for me and written in my destiny  Ill think about it if I'm going to cross the bridge or Ill just let it pass by. I cannot bear another pain Id rather live alone than having someone who will just hurt the feeling I have.

 

I'm hoping that when the right time comes you will find time to read all the blogs that i wrote just for you and remember ll the good memories we made and not hate me for posting most of the details of the love story we had. One day you will thank me for doing every thing to you and letting you go to give you a peaceful life. Sacrificing my own happiness and the unconditional love that i have for you is the greatest regrets of my life knowing that the person i love and cherish the most is not with me anymore and I'll keep your place in my heart hoping that one day you will find me again and meet on the same road to continue what we have.I do misses you and I'll will feel the pain over and over again but I'll try to bear all the pain rather than seeing you having the same pain I have.I'll cry every moment that you came in my thought and remembering all the memories we shared.The wounds will not heal until the day I die and I can always feel it like a stub of a knife in my heart.You teared my heart into pieces and God knows if i can put it back again into one piece, if I would have another choice to make it easier for me not to feel the pain I would but how?One day, in Gods will will meet again I might have all the answers of all the questions i have.I will continue to love you the same way I did before and continue living my life normally as i can be.I Love and miss you so much not to hate nor angry with you....

Im MiSSiNg YoU EvErY MoMeNT oF A DaY....My HeArT Is AcHiNg...

 

At this moment of time I can feel that my heart is aching again and again and I don't know really what is the reason behind it. I know I just miss you so much and I'm longing to hear the sweet sound of your voice, to feel the warm touch of your hands, the hugs that makes me feel secure, the kiss that makes me feel like a sugar, and the way you look at me with your eyes makes me feel naked and sexy.It is not fair that I can feel the way I do and I don't have any idea how are you at this time, the only thing I'm sure is that you just go on with your life  and pretend that everything is okay. How can you do this to me? You always make me cry and suffer everyday for the love that I gave to you in which makes me hurt so much and you doesn't even care.I just do hope one day you will realize that I never done anything wrong on you to treat me this way and I don't deserve it.I don't know why you stay with her in which we both know that you don't love her anymore.Ive been suffering too much but still I misses you a lot and never found any hatred inside my heart.True love last forever if that's the choice we made but hoping one day if the pain I felt is gone please take it with you because i cannot bear it anymore.You've done so much pain in my heart and if your going to walk away for the second time I'm begging to please don't come back again and take all the logged with full of memories with you.Talk to me and tell me please what is the best thing to do so that i can stop missing,loving, and not to feel the pain in my heart.Oh God call it stupidity that despite of all the pain he gave me I still love and miss him every day...

MiSS HiM So MuCh....

I can not stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially today) it just becomes too much to bear. I can not sleep thinking of you and i can feel the ache in my heart every time I think of you and I don't know why.God knows how much I misses you every day and longing to hear your voice even a simple message from you.

I just have to tell you, to share with you that sacred part of my inner, secret life, the thoughts I think that everyone has but does not always say. I know that sometimes pride gets in the way of expressing emotions. I believe that is the cause of my reticence in telling you how I feel sometimes, that and the fact that passion in an extreme state can be scary, you almost just want to shut it away for fear that it will eventually destroy you. I think of my feelings, my love for you not with craving or with hope or even desire, but just with a kind of wonder that such things could be. You have opened my eyes to how love should feel. I can promise you this, I will never again settle for less.

But, at this time in both of our lives, we are surrounded by possibilities of choice, open doors and wide horizons, which I know, may come between us. But I also know and hope that they could eventually bring us together, with both of us being better people for the time we spent apart. And so for now I function between maybe and maybe not. It's a strange mixture of love and sex and sorrow and hope and longing and faith. And even though you are far away, you're all that I can see, I carry you with me through all my days and I miss you more than I can say. Also, remember this - I love you no less than if you were right here now.

I know I have a tendency to be impetuous at times - thus the reason for this letter. I consider what you might think of it. I love you and am waiting for the day when I can feel your arms around me again.

Someday you'll cry for me like I cried for you, Someday you'll miss me like I missed you.Someday you'll need me like I needed you, Someday you'll love me like I loved you, but not  sure if I can still do the same and not too late for you to have me again.

SoMeTiMeS LoVe Is NoT BeInG ToGeThEr,

SoMeTiMeS LoVe Is NoT BeInG ToGeThEr, 

BuT BeInG ThErE FoR EaCh OtHeR...

To live my life as a princess of yours is one of the happiest moment that i have in my life.Never thought that one day it will end up waking up alone in the middle of the night which I'm afraid of cos i cannot see any light.We never felt that were miles away to each other because of the constant communication that we had.Although I'm not there besides you but all of the problems that your facing through we shared it together and you know that you cannot hide anything from me cos i know you that well to understand each and every breath coming out form you whether its a deep of simple breath.I'm always making sure that whatever is happening to you i can truly support you emotionally and spiritually.It never came to a point that being not together became a problem on us instead it makes our relationship deeper day by day.We even prove that the long distance relationships is working completely fine not what they say that it will never work out.My daily routine in life revolves in you and you became a priority of my life and i even forget mine.Maybe because of the compatibility that we have it helps making our relationship together,although I'm always afraid that one day i will woke up that they already taken you away from me still i did not lose hope cos I'm open to the possibility that there's nothing new about it she is your real and original wife and I'm only your other woman,Who am I to won you?What important is where both there in the times that we needed each others arms and we both know that we love each other truly and were happy if where together.Whatever happens anywhere you go always bear in your mind that I'm always here anytime you needed me.As I told you, you know where to find me and I'm just a breath away from you.Always take care of yourself and God knows how much i misses you day by day.

WhEn YoU TrULy LoVe SoMeOne....

WhEn YoU LoVe SoMeOnE TrULy....

When you love someone truly,
U don’t look for faults,
U don’t look for answers,
U don’t look for mistakes.
Instead, U fight the mistakes,
U accept the faults and

overlook the excuses.

I love so much my heart is sure. 
As time goes on I love you more, 
your happy smile.
Your loving face, no one will ever take your place.

If a raindrop would mean ... 
I love you and you would ask me how much I love you,
i bet you that it would  rain all day !

Accidents do happen.

i slip- i trip- i stumble- i fall and
usually i don't care at all.
But now i don't know what to do cos i slipped and,
fell in love with you for the second time.

I hope that you finally understand, 

that I will love you until the end, 
because your not just my man, 
you are also my best friend!

When time comes for you to give ur heart to someone, 
make sure that you select someone who will never break ur heart, 
cuz broken hearts has no spare parts.

No one escapes from love,
Neither the rich nor poor,
Because it takes to satisfy a heart,
We feel we'll never be apart.  

I liked lots of people n missed very few, 
but no one has been as special as u! 
I'd stand n wait in the world's longest que,
just for pleasure of being with u!
What's Ur important for me?
Ur thinks is my breath
Ur feels become my beating
Ur breath pour in me spirit
Ur whispering awaken my whole body
Ur sight feels objective of my life
U r as much important as I
I can't imagine I can't explain,
I only Love u forever 

If the people we love are stolen away from us,

the only way to have them live on is to never stop lovin'them.

Buildings burn, people die, 

but real love last forever...

 

If there ever comes a day when we cannot be together,
Just want you to know that your in my heart.
You will be in there forever and nobody can take your place in my heart.

Every little thing we do is just so special to me
we are meant to be, that`s something that i truly agree
and i know it`s fate and destiny, i see it in your eyes
every time you smile, i can`t explain the feeling inside,

If loving you is wrong, then i don`t wanna be right
can`t imagine what this life would be without you by my side.

I cannot believe that I once thought this way
I wanna be with you and watch you while you sleep....

I don't wanna live a day without you
I just wanna be the one that makes you happy". 

You stole my heart and left it someplace else!!

I cannot really get why we have to end up this way knowing that i did not done anything wrong with you.You are the one who told me that you loved me so much but why?I did not ask for anything and you did not even told me that you want to end this relationship.Id love you unconditionally isn't not enough for you coz i know that the love i gave is more than enough to make you happy for the rest of your life coz you are satisfied with it either.Please just talk to me and explain everything and ill try my best to understand the situation that you have.I'm missing you every minute of my life and i do need you to be with me.

 

  

wHaT Is LoVe?

That Is Love

Love is a strange and beautiful thing,
It spans time and space, distance is no object to love.
You will wait forever for the one you love,
Travel wherever you need to be with them.
When you are in the arms of the one you love,
That love can make a moment last a lifetime,
Yet make a lifetime seem no more than a moment.
When love is distant it grows strong,
When it returns it flowers.
People crave it, strive for it, fight for it, and die for it,
And when they find it, they know they are complete.
For in the arms of the one we love is wholeness,
Belief, completeness, passion, and security.
The one we love is someone for whom we would do anything,
And never ask for anything in return.
It produces a love of all that person is and will ever be,
Regardless of what that may mean to me.
Love knows that when you are away,
That you are still loved, cherished, thought after, and missed
By the one you love,
And they know that you love them back.
That is Love.

 

This is love for me and you know that i was so contented on the love,time, and effort that you gave to me and never ask for anything.Being with me during the time that i was there every time i had my vacation and spending it with you completed every time,minutes,seconds, that i was miles away from you.For loving me truly is more than enough and i know from where i put my self cos i cannot take the unconditional love that you gave to your kids.I love you with my open arms and no questions about it just to be with you and express what i felt so that in the end i will not have any regrets in my life that i did not show you what i felt.Take care always and you will always have the same place in my heart.Bear it always....

OnE WisH...

OnE WisH... 

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone,

But i can tell you what it is for me:

Love is knowing all about someone,

And still wanting to be with them more than any other person,

Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself,

Including things that you might be ashamed off,

Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone,

But still getting weak knees when they walk inside the room and smile at you...

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

I don't even expect that you will read my blog coz you don't even have an account in FB but I'm just hoping that one day you will read everything that i wrote and hope that you will not mad at me knowing that what ever relationship we have is secret because of the complicated situation that we have.I'm just expressing what i felt and wrote everything.Missing you so much day by day and hoping that everything is okay with you...

I WAIT....

I Wait

 

I wait for you,
anxious to see your face.

I stand and watch,
looking for the first sign of your arrival.

I finally see you,
I take a second look to make sure you're really there.

My pulse races and I crack a smile,
this is what I've been waiting for.

You begin to approach,
you say, "Sorry, It took me a while."

I say, "No problem."

I have that patience to wait.

Just to make sure that this time,

Were going to last for the 3rd time,
But I think to myself, 'I'd have waited forever.'

Coz love is patience,sacrifice, & not selfish...

 

ThE KiSS ReMaIns,,,,,

The Kiss Remain

Standing alone I sway
Until he catches me in his arms
He is warmth and love
And he is longing and desire
I turn my face to him
And he catches my lips into hers
He is the match that carries a glowing fire
The solitary drink to quench my thirst
And at long last he relieves me
For just one minute he is mine
The man I have longed to hold
Now holding me back
I am completely taken from myself
And thrust into this euphoria of his presence
Then I wake
My heart is weakened
And my senses still numb
Yet still I smile
Because although the dream has disappeared
The kiss remain forever...

I WiLL LoVe YoU FoReVeR...

I WiLL LoVe YoU FoReVeR 

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
And your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life every day.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart.

Real love is feeling like being a part of that person's
life almost isn't enough. It's more like a feeling that
you would live in the same skin with them if you could
and share every thought, heart beat, and emotion as one.

I love everything in you but setting free someone you love is t he hardest way to do but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you that much...its just that letting go the person you love the most is the best way for the good of everybody than hurting the people who loves your love one......

                                                                                                            

No OnE FaLLs InLoVe By ChOiCe....

No one FALLS in love by CHOICE; It's by CHANCE.

No one STAYS in love by CHANCE; It's by WORK.

No one FALLS OUT of love by CHANCE; It's by CHOICE.

I don't know if this quote that i made was the one that you apply to me.Because as far as i know we both decided to stay together and we both plans for our future together.I don't really understand why suddenly the wind change.At first you choose to be with me and you gave that assurance that i have to relax coz whatever happen i will not lose you.I choose  you for such a long time to stay in-love with you even if your not with me and i was so happy when that time came you found me after how many years of searching for me and started again an new life together.As far as i can understand we both choose to be together for the second time and plan everything to be perfect because we both know that we have the same failure on the first marriage that we have because if you don't love me why did you wasted your time searching /looking for me for how many years and after that you will just throw away what we started fighting for.You just prove to them that all of them are right what they are thinking about us.I ask you so many times if you are already sure of that decision you made and you always gave me the same answer that you will not give me up because you loved me so much and your scared to lose me again for the second time.I keep on telling you that i can really give way and sacrifice my own happiness just to see you happy and you keep on telling me that i don't have to do that because you will fight for me and you can bear everything just to probe to me how much you loved me.We both working on the relationship that we have and even if were miles away from each other i do believe that we have a smooth and happy relationship and you even told me that the love that you felt for me goes deeper and deeper everyday.You know very well that i gave you the love that you was looking for and the respect that you deserve and until now i cannot remember anything when it come to misunderstanding.We work so hard for this relationship and i know whatever my obligation to you as your partner except for one thing that i cannot gave to you because I'm miles away from you,I've done it completely.We even both sleep at the same time even though there is 5 hrs difference in time and I'm  waking up in the middle of the night nor wait for the time that you wake up before i could sleep just to make sure that you can do your job and not to be late at your work.I cannot remember anything that I've done wrong to you at this time and that makes me upset.I know to myself that you did not fall out of love to me there might be another reason why it end up like this and that is what i want to know from you.Before I accepted you again in my life for the second time everything is perfect and okay I was leaving my life peacefully and happy knowing that I continue loving you as my choice even if your not with me suddenly you came and teach me how to laugh and smile and put everything in place and you disappear without saying anything.Is that your choice or you don't have any other choice but to follow what the people surrounds you told you to do.I need you to be with me and I miss you and I do still LOVE YOU.....

HaViNg YoU Is ThE GrEaTeSt GiFt AnD ThInG ThAT HaPpEnEd InTo My LiFe,,,,

Having you is the greatest gift and thing that happened into my life which I will cherish and value until the last beat of my heart.You let me feel like a princess in your life and always giving me the security and assurance that i need.And i was having a fairy tales on the loved that you gave and never thought that there is no fairy tales exist in this world.You let me felt the love that i was looking for in which i never felt in my own family except for my ever loving father and my brother who is always there for me.I let you become a priority of my life even though i know that i was only your 2nd higher priority and i accept it with open arms just to have you with me.The day that you ask me to marry you I was the happiest women in the world that's why i told you that even if that will not happen the moment that you thought that you want to give me your name is more than enough for me coz you probe to me that the life is fair and there is still person in this world who can marry a girl like me who faces so many trails in life who can never imagine that i can survive and face it alone.The ultimate goal that i want the day that i accept you again is to help you picking up and gain respect,dignity,trust and confidence in yourself that you can stand alone with your own feet with somebody else beside you to help and i did.I let you feel a real man who can decide for yourself and a powerful than a woman. I'd loved you unconditionally for who you are and i was contented with it and never look for negative aspect that you have.

ThE DaY ThAt He GaVe YoU To Me,,,,

The day that he gave you to me I was so Thankful & Lucky that once in my life's Journey he gave me an Angel from where I can get my strength and a shoulder to lean and cry on.Enjoying the time and moments that we shared together is the only treasure that I have in life.We never shared a time that were unhappy all the memories we made was so perfect even though we both know that we have an very complicated relationship.And for that reason I know even if were going to end up in both different ways I'm very much sure that whatever happens and wherever you go you will take the memories of me with you and you will never forget it for the rest of your life.I told every body that you fill the missing part of my life and the love that you gave is the one that i was looking for and aside from my ever loving father and my brother who is always there for me you are the one who can really understands and know who really am I.You always gave me the security that i need and the assurance that you will never leave me.I know you love me so much but because of your complicated situation and your unconditional love for your kids you have to set me apart from them.I told myself that its ok at least i have experience and felt the love that i was longing for and we know that we both fight for it but so disappointed that i have trained and teach you how to struggle and fight on the ups and downs and all the trials that will come along the way but yet and still your not that strong enough and the saddest thing is you don't have that much confidence in yourself that you can make it.I remember one day when you told me that i just have to trust you and you will not do anything to break this trust that i gave to you but what happened i gave you the trust and support that you need and you said that MAMI its only a matter of MIND SETTING.I guess i was right again when i told you that the situation is completely different in doing it than saying it and you told me that you will prove it to me. I don't know why i have this attitude and instinct that whenever the men goes in from of me i know already what they are thinking and unfortunately what i said to you i never remember anything that i got wrong.Letting me feel like a princess in your life and leaving with the fairy tales in life which you succeeded and i forget once in my life that there is no such thing exist in this world.Anyway i was so lucky and thankful for the memories that we have and it will remain always in my heart until the day that i die.Thank you for giving your time and effort and the love and cared despite of your situation.Each and every memories will remain an history on both of us.Thank you will be not enough and still you have the same place in my heart until the end.

HoW To HaVe ThE AnSwErs On ThE QuEsTiOnS DaT We HaVe.....

Enjoying our time together is the happiest moment that we both have and if were together we forget everything what is in our mind is only the moment that were together.No fights,arguments,misunderstanding,nor even a discussions happens during that time.We both know from where we put ourselves and how to control nor even the limits that we have.The good thing is that we have so many things in common which makes things smooth for the two of us.Having the same common interest in life is the best thing that we have.But what is the answer for this questions, having the same BLOOD TYPE (O+),BIRTH MONTH,MUSIC'S,FOOD TYPE,FRATERNITY & SORORITY, & etc. which is until now we don't have the answer.I told you before that we might be soul mates.I never kept any secrets from you and your also the same with me coz you know very well that i know how to let you tell me the truth even if i will not say anything and we have that open communication and we can talk everything and anything under the sun.You know what i like you the most is that when you can be what you are in front of me and not pretending to be a real and perfect person.You came out from your shell and LOVED the life that you have with me but we both know that life is not going to be easy for the both of us and i was hoping and praying that one day everything will be OK.I LOVED the way you treated me as your girl and never felt that i was only your other woman.The sweetness that you have,the simplicity of your personality,the way you talk and carry yourself,the way you seduce me  and especially if your already wearing your FATIGUE uniform KILLS me everyday even if i cannot see you.I don't really know whats there in you that made me LOVE you like this.Every time my heart beat goes fast and feels nervous i don't know why and how that i know something is happening to you and that fast heart beat will not stop until im sure that your completely OK.I gave you the life that i have cos you deserve to have a better one and i don't want to life a better life alone knowing that i can give you the same life that i have just to let you experience the things that you never did before.I told my self that seeing you happy and contented makes me happy then why i will not make you happy.I'm just so lucky that you came into my life and put colors on it.We have only one life to enjoy and i did it already and im ready when the time comes that GOD will take my life away from me.I don't know why im afraid of you,never came into my mind to do things that will make you angry nor upset with me although i know that im a hardheaded lady but when it come to you no question ask i cannot do thing with out your permission.Even simple things i have to consult it to you before doing it.You are the one who is deciding for my daily life from head to foot and i loved it coz i know that you really loved and concerned about me, i asked you the question one time why for all the ladies who came into your life im the only one whom you cared that much and you told me that because you LOVED me that much.I know that there were times that you want to be beside me all the time and i have the same feelings too but because of our complicated situation we just enjoyed every time that we spend together.The TRUE LOVED we have for each other will last forever in our heart,Building collapse,time,months passed by,people die but my love that i felt for you will always be in my heart.But what is the answer of the question that when two people have so many common things in life but yet an still they end up giving way for each other despite the fact that they both really love each other so much.

ThAnK YoU FoR CoMpLeTiNg My LyF,,,,,

Time is running past and its been 16 yrs when we had our 1st relationship and it was 1995, when you came into my life.We have the same school,the same group of friendz ,the same sorority,that's why we never thought that we will have a relationship coz we already enjoyed each others company as firendz.Suddenly wind change and you courted me and we became lovers.We enjoyed so much together even we have a simple life every day,but one day i walk away from you without saying anything, do some things that you don't want me to do just for the reason that i get bored on the relationship that we have.I thought that day that i walk away from you, you will run after me but you did not coz you don't have that courage in you.You where thinking that I don't love you coz you did not feel it from me but you where wrong.Your the reason why i had a experiences happens in my life. I leave the province from where we grow up and look for my self in other places but every time i go back home the 1st thing i will do is to search for you for 3 straight years but i did not found you,on the other hand your doing the same thing also and you felt alone the time that you finished your college.You spend your time at the farm and to drink everyday.And after sometime i had my life with another man but i did not stop loving you.I had a very bad experiences on the relationship that i have.Everyday of my life i suffering not only from him but deep inside my heart i carrying the burden and regrets that i did not say sorry to you for what i have done.I was with another man trying to escape from my family and thought that i will have a better life but i was wrong.For a year that were together everyday of my life we always fight although  god knows that i try my best to become a good partner but he was looking for a perfect person which i not.He abuses me physically,emotionally,mentally, and spiritually.That is the worse experience that i have in my life.Until one day he went home from his training and when opened the door he saw my writing a letter and it was too late to hide it from him, i just trying to release the pain that is inside my heart and it was address to you.I burned the letter but too sad half of the letter was not burned and he took it and read the letter since that day he never stops asking me about you and started another burden with him.It end up on leaving him and have my life alone.One day i went home to VRC and saw you at the FAIRY BOAT and we did not talk that much i don't know why and then i did not saw you again.I left the country to work and start a new life and after 2 year i went home for vacation and i saw you again at the market we hold hands and did not say anything and then i leave again, as you told me you want to hug me from your heart but your mind doesn't want because you thought that i still have a relationship with the same guy.I went back again to KSA to work until one day i received an SMS from PHILIPPINES and i was so shock it was you saying hello to me in 2005 and from that time we started to have a constant communication.Every time i went home to have vacation and we saw each other the good thing between us is that we still good friends and felt the same thing even though time passes by we never felt it that way.The relationship that we have went deeper and i felt that you completed the missing part of my life and give me the love that i was looking for for such a long time.I loved you for who you are and was so happy and contented even if i know that it was very complicated but you never let me felt it that way.You treated me like a princess of your life and never felt that i was oly your 2ng highest priority but i never complain because i know that you already committed with somebody else and i was not there all the time coz im working outside and i was only going home for an month.Until one day you decided to go with me and give me your name but we both know that if that day will come everybody will hate us and get affected.Still you told me that you can fight for me even if you will die coz you don't want to loose me for the second time.Were old enough to decide for our lives and you told me to hold on for the love that we have for each other and everything will be OK.You started planning our life and decide to come back again in KSA to work to prepare for our future.I was so happy on that day that you ask me if im going to marry you and we have the same feelings.Giving me the love that i was looking for and making my life happy even for a while will always be in my heart.As you said that whatever happens the love that you felt for will always be the same even if you go on another life in heaven.We both say that "We rather die than leaving with somebody else" but what happened why your not beside me anymore.